Violet Whispers

I don’t know what I feel. I keep trying to name it, but everything just feels… blank. You were my safe space. Now you’re just a memory that doesn’t know where to go. I don’t cry like I thought I would. I don’t scream. I just sit here, feeling nothing and somehow everything at the same time. I don’t know how to miss you, but I don’t know how to let you go. I know something is different, but I still don’t know what it is. @Vio_let Image from https://unsplash.com/

I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know how to breathe, or if I even can. How am I meant to forget you, when your face is all I see each time I close my eyes, and your memory is the only thing I have? I don’t know how to move on, when your thoughts cling to my mind. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay without you. I just don’t know @Vio_let Image taken from https://www.freepik.com

  You asked me to take the risk with you. “It will be okay,” you said. “It will work out.” I nodded, but my fear was louder than your voice. I wore doubt and insecurity like a second skin. You believed in us, You believed in me, And that terrified me. I kept waiting for the moment you would see what I saw, someone too quiet, someone not good enough. I warned you I would ruin it, I pushed you away, I kept reminding you, that I was not enough. And eventually, I did. I ruined it. Not because I didn’t love you, but because my love carried fear and anxiety. Now I sit with the silence I created. The guilt is loud, But the loneliness is louder, And the pain is real. You didn’t abandon me. I handed you the door, asked you to walk through it and you did. You saw something good in me that I am only now beginning to see. I wish I had believed you when you believed in me. But it’s too late now. @Vio_let  Image from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org

I saw you last night. You winked and smiled at me the way you used to. We talked as if nothing was broken, as if we were still best friends. You took my hands and pulled me close, close enough to feel your warmth, close enough to believe it was real. I whispered how much I missed you. But when I opened my eyes, the room was quiet. And you were gone. It was just  another dream about you @Vio_let  Image from shutterstock.com

  I barely slept last night, and the ones before that. Your memory lay beside me, refusing to leave. My pillow was damp from tears my eyes could no longer hold. My heart raced in my chest, while my mind drifted somewhere numb and cold. Pain followed me like a shadow, while grief stayed close like a faithful companion. Life feels empty without you in it, and the silence is deafening. But I wasn’t going insane like I had thought. It was your absence. You had become my addiction, and now I am learning what it means to live in withdrawal from you @Vio_let Image taken from zelusrecovery.com

 

  Understanding Fear and Anxiety Fear and anxiety are often used interchangeably, but they are not exactly the same. Fear is an unpleasant emotion or thought from being frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that might happen ( Oxford Learners Dictionary ). Anxiety, on the other hand, refers to a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome ( Oxford Learner’s Dictionary ). Experiences of fear and anxiety are not only mental or emotional. They may manifest with physical signs such as palpitations, abdominal pain, nausea, diarrhoea, tremors, restlessness, shortness of breath or a general feeling of being unwell. This is why anxiety can feel so overwhelming. When Anxiety Speaks Louder Than Faith Anxiety has a way of stealing today’s joy and peace and keeps our minds restless and unhappy. The truth is, we cannot change the past, our mistakes, missed opportunities, delays, disappointments or situations that did not go in our f...

  She was happily dancing with her beau, her newly wedded husband when her eyes locked with someone she never thought she’d see again. Her body froze for a moment with the smile on her face suddenly feeling too heavy and forced. She pretended nothing was wrong as she continued to move to the music with her husband, Ethan. On the inside however, her heart was pounding against her ribcage. Her palms were clammy and her mouth suddenly tasted bitter. What was he doing here?, she wondered. How did he even find out about her wedding? And why would he show up today, of all days? Would he ruin everything or destroy the one secret she had vowed never to tell another soul? As she and Ethan made their way back to their seats, she scanned the guests present, trying to confirm what she saw or didn’t see. Maybe it wasn’t him at all. Maybe it was just the stress of wedding planning finally catching up with her. Or the wine was stronger than she thought. After scanning the crowd and spotting not...